It can be hard to manage our mental health during the best of times. During major holidays and special occasions? Waaaaaay harder. In this post, I’ve got tons of tips for you to better manage your mental health during the holidays.
On November 21, 2022, I participated in an Instagram Live about this topic with Suzy Williams of @suzyquilts. You can watch the full conversation here, and I hope you will – there’s a lot of nuance that can’t be conveyed in a blog post.
Avoiding gift-making deadline pressure can improve mental health during the holidays
The pressure to do holiday sewing/making/baking can steal our joy. Maybe you’re the kind of person who starts their projects months in advance, and if you are, I salute you! For the rest of us, there are some ways to reduce that pressure:
- Start by being realistic about what you can create. Many of us over-stuff our to-do lists, ensuring we can never get everything done. At some point, we need to get real about what we can actually finish.
- Prioritize your projects. Consider prioritizing by recipient (i.e. kids’ gifts get finished first), or perhaps by due date (finished by Hanukkah vs. Christmas). However you prioritize, make yourself a list you can look at to remind yourself of your priorities.
- Set some limits on how much time you spend every day on these tasks. You don’t want to have to spend all day sewing and miss out on time for self-care or socializing.
- Start planning next year’s holiday sewing way in advance so you have more time. The best time to start planning is now!
- Try not to worry about what other people are able to do (which brings me to…)
Adjusting social media time to reduce stress
Social media can add stress anytime, not just at the holidays. Seeing everyone else’s makes and activities on social media can make us feel less-than. How can we adjust our use of it to minimize comparison-itis?
- If you’re on FB, consider going straight to your groups, instead of looking through your feed.
- If you’re on Instagram, consider setting a timer for browsing, or use your phone’s settings to set a limit on how much time you can spend on IG per day.
- Consider going on a “media diet,” which means taking days or weeks off of social media altogether so you can refocus that energy. Imagine how many things you could make with that time! Or how many naps you could take! This helps not just with mental health during the holidays and special occasions, but day to day.
- Look at social media through the lens of an anthropologist. Instead of saying “why can’t I do that, too?” try saying “interesting!” and leave it at that. You’re just observing behavior, not gathering examples by which to lead your own life.
Effective boundaries can help us manage mental health during the holidays and other special occasions
We’ve all been there: Your family member says something that hurts you to the core, and you spend the rest of the day feeling crummy. Good boundaries can help with this challenge – what are some ways we can set effective boundaries with family members (or anyone else)?
- Remember: You’re an autonomous human being and you’re allowed to set limits. If you’re reading this, you’re very likely an adult, which means your parents and other family members have no right to boss you around.
- Prepare before family visits or other events. You can probably guess the subjects they will bring up, so imagine a sentence or two you can use to reply when they do, and practice it over and over. Try something like: “I appreciate your care, but I prefer not to discuss this.” Then deflect to a new topic: “How ‘bout that game last night?”
- Use the broken record technique: When they try to come back to the off-limits topic, simply repeat your boundary sentence. You don’t have to elaborate or go into any more detail. Eventually they’ll give up and change the topic, or walk away.
- Create physical boundaries by driving your own car instead of carpooling... or staying at a hotel instead of a family member’s house.
Last year, I made Scandinavian star folded fabric ornaments and they were easier and faster than gift projects I’ve made in previous years. Hooray!
Acknowledge and care for grief
When we’ve lost loved ones, grief can swell and threaten to take over holidays and special occasions. What are some ways we can cope?
Grief is evidence of love. Recognize that grief is a normal human emotion and if you feel it – and need to express it – you have the right to do so. Don’t let others tell you to hide it.
Find people to be around (or stay in contact with) who lift you up. If you’re missing your mom, consider connecting with a friend who has great mom energy. Or if that might be triggering, think of a person you can connect with who feels nothing like a mom. Either way, stay connected with others.
Distraction can work wonders, so consider planning get-togethers, outings, movie nights, etc.
Create a way to honor the person or people you’re missing. Maybe make a Christmas ornament with their photo, or do some ritual they loved. For example, my mother-in-law passed away a few years ago and I miss her on Christmas, so I wear some bracelets she got me. That small act makes me feel like part of her is with me.
Loneliness can compound challenges with mental health during the holidays
It’s common for folks to feel alone, especially during big holidays. Even if you’re in physical proximity to people, if you’re going through a challenge and feel misunderstood, that can feel lonely. What are some tricks I use to feel less alone?
Loneliness and grief go hand-in-hand. For folks who don’t have family to visit or a romantic partner to celebrate with, the holidays can feel especially lonely. Try to connect with friends and other loved ones (even neighbors and co-workers) to schedule get-togethers.
If you’re far away from loved ones, use technology to stay in touch. FaceTime, texting, Zoom, phone calls… they all exist to help us stay connected.
Consider donating your time to a charity project. These are times when other folks are even more deeply in need, and your presence and generosity could make a huge difference.
Managing stress around illness during holidays and special occasions
The winter holiday season of 2022 marked the time when we had moved through the most serious part of the pandemic, and yet many of us still felt stress around managing sickness. This was especially true for folks with little kids, who are – let’s face it – tiny vectors. How can we manage stress when it comes to illness? (I personally really relate to this – I have a handful of chronic illnesses and I’m always nervous about getting sick.)
Start by doing a risk analysis. Every time you travel or interact with someone, you have some amount of risk. Be realistic about the risks of contracting illness; don’t let others scare you into being more afraid than is warranted.
Think about mitigations: Can you still get a vaccine? Wear a mask? Do things outdoors? Ask folks to mask up if they feel unwell?
Remember that anytime we travel or gather with folks, there’s a chance we’ll catch something, COVID or otherwise. Preparing for what might come is important. I travel with a full kit of cold medicine, extra doses of all my prescriptions, masks, etc. I purchase travel insurance so if I get sick or something else happens, I won’t lose money.
The pandemic has offered us an opportunity to gain perspective. If you have to miss a day or two of gathering because of illness, that’s nothing compared to the many months we didn’t even have contact with another human. Hold on to that perspective!
My husband, Joe, and I have a huge tree in our backyard that we consider a permanent Christmas tree. Every year we acquire even more ornaments for it – and decorating it is one of our most cherished holiday rituals.
Creating new holiday/occasion routines and rituals
Sometimes the old routines and rituals we have around special occasions and holidays aren’t the best for our mental health. By examining our needs today we can begin to create new rituals and routines that help us manage our mental health during the holidays. Here are some tips:
I have crafted rituals and routines for bedtime, morning, workouts, client meetings, and much more. When we create these rituals and routines, it gives us some structure to rely on, especially during challenging times. Try to create (and then stick with) self-care routines that make sense for you.
Holiday rituals and routines can also help! For example, every year I put up our Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving. Knowing that’s part of my ritual means I never forget and book something in my calendar on Black Friday – I turn down all invitations. I hold on to that ritual because it has deep meaning for me.
When we have grief or difficulty, we need to create new routines. Trying something new can help us move into our own way of being instead of staying stuck in the past. For example, I am estranged from my biological family, and I miss decorating the tree with them. Instead, I plan a handful of gatherings with my friends who have kids, and we all decorate together. Seeing the kids’ joy and wonder gives me a wonderful sense of peace, and it’s part of my holiday routine.
Stoking our creativity during holiday travel
Holiday time often means traveling away from home, including leaving our beloved crafting space behind. How can we keep our creativity strong during this time?
Find ways to bring crafting with you. Make up a little hand sewing kit so you can sew on the road, at your mother-in-law’s house, wherever. If you’re a painter but can’t bring paint and canvas with you, would a sketchbook act as a stop-gap? Think about ways to be creative outside of your usual mediums.
Bring more craft supplies than you think you can complete so you have something to do when there’s an inevitable flight delay.
Speak with your loved ones in advance about your desire to stay crafty, and see if they want to join in the fun! You could organize a baking night or ornament-making event.
Consider every aspect of the holiday travel a chance to practice creativity. Play “I spy” with your kids in the airport, or make up imaginary stories about folks you encounter while people-watching. Make elaborate place cards for the holiday meal. Pack your clothes in rainbow order.
Maintaining our spiritual health during holidays and special occasions
It is critically important that we maintain our spiritual practice during the holidays or special occasion-related travel. These times can cause upset – and our spiritual work will help us stay constant and steady. What steps can we take to maintain our spiritual wellness during the holidays?
I’m Buddhist, so there’s not a lot about winter holidays that resonates for me spiritually, per se. But the spirit of the season – including connection, resilience in the face of adversity, generosity – is so important to me. It’s important to find ways to stay connected to your spirituality.
Set aside time every day for your practice, whether it’s prayer, meditation, whatever. Bring your books and other artifacts with you while traveling. (I have a teeny tiny Buddha that comes everywhere on the road with me.) Use that time to reflect on what this season means to you.
Consider inviting folks to share in your practice. When I attend Christmas events with my best friend and her kiddos, I pray with them and get a lot of joy from watching them connect with their spirituality. When we’re open, we can feel deeper connections.
Manage meal-time pressures
Meal time during the holidays and special occasions has its own kind of pressure. How can we handle the pressure to eat certain foods? How do we make sure we have the options we want at the table?
As a mostly vegan, gluten-free, and low-sugar eater, I know from experience that winter holidays, weddings and other special occasions can be especially challenging! Start by getting clear about how you want to eat well this season. For example, I found a gorgeous recipe for a Thanksgiving salad that fits my needs and wows people every year.
Once you’re clear on how you want to eat, start meal planning to ensure you have enough time to find great recipes that fit your nutritional goals.
Speak with family and friends about your needs well in advance of meals, and offer to bring a dish or help cook.
Enlist help, from your partner or a family member, to help you stick with your commitments. Want to eat only one cookie a day instead of a handful? Great! If you have an accountability partner, you can touch base with them when cravings hit.
During the holidays, people can get very sentimental about food, and upset if you don’t partake in their food traditions. When you get pushback from others, gently remind them that what you eat isn’t a reflection of how you feel about them. And remind them of your goals and why you’re making different choices.
Always have snacks on hand so you don’t get hangry and make impulsive decisions.
Prioritize your fitness routine
Just like with spiritual wellness, we want to maintain our existing physical fitness routines as much as possible during the holidays. Caring for your body in the way it’s accustomed to is powerful – and ensures you’ll feel your best during special occasions. Here are some tips:
Travel can wreak havoc on your routine! Do your homework and see if your hotel has a fitness center, or if there’s a gym nearby where you can purchase day passes.
Invite your loved ones to join you on an after-dinner walk, or plan an outdoor adventure.
Stay close to the folks who are also on a fitness journey! As I write this, my sister-in-law and her family are driving here for a visit. Like me, she works out daily, so I’ve already organized a gym pass for her and planned a walk together tomorrow night.
Bring your fitness gear with you so you’re prepared for opportunities for exercise.
Take any opportunity to get in a few steps. If your flight is delayed, walk to the other end of the airport terminal. When you drop by the mall for last-minute shopping, park at the far end of the parking lot.
Remember: Your commitment to fitness might inspire loved ones to try it themselves!
Which of these resonate for you?
As I review this big list of tips, there are so many that resonate for me personally. Which ones will be most helpful to you? Hop in the comments and let me know – and please share any tips you think I missed.
And don’t miss the longer conversation with Suzy Williams! It’s packed with even more advice and perspectives.
